Is a reason to invest in something or someone, simply to reap reward? Though that may sound selfish, I guess it depends on the nature of reward that one seeks. But as this day comes to an end, and the ponderings of my efforts over the last hours are churned over in my mind, seeking some positive conclusion, I have to admit, I feel a little cheated and deflated. My highlight of the day has been cakey, and considering this was Wilmslow Half Marathon day, it's a shame I have no better story to tell.
There has been much emotional and physical effort invested in this event, incremental gains here, minor setbacks there, ill defined goals and yet a great sense of anticipation. And for what...to watch others take the glory. No PB for me, no 'best' today, but plenty of 'personal'. 20 seconds off a PB is so tantalisingly close, yet as good as a miss by a country mile. 'If you get tired, stop being tired and be awesome'. Mind over matter. This helped and was a focus for much of the race, but I gave it everything I have. I did my best, I had given everything I could. It was a tough race in many ways and I walked home beaten.
Why do I race? I really don't like it, though it is a measure, a line in the sand. But I love this event. For me the best part is the end, not because the pain is over, but the jubilation, the cocktail of emotions, the waves of people walking back, traffic gridlocked with grumpy drivers, giving this little corner of the town I live in a unique moment of life. And the sun always seems to shine, the clocks have gone forwards and the evenings now light. It's a great day. The runing is kind of OK, the noisy crowd at the start, for a brief moment at least, then out on the road and the immediate silence but for the sound of footfall, a quiet conversation overheard here and there, the annoying heavy breathing down your neck, the coughing and spluttering at the water stations, more little pockets of (mostly) cheering supporters dotted along the way.
I'm being a little grumpy, I know. There was much to be pleased about today, to see the smiles on other faces, that was good. To know that you and others have done their best and that you played your part. Yeah!
